Welcome to May, the National Month of Masturbation!
A few days ago a dear friend of mine asked, "Garland, why are you writing about how to masturbate? Masturbation's been around as long as man's been on the planet!"
We both laughed 'cause his question is a legitimate one. Why write about something that, arguably, billions of people have engaged in for ages; putting hand or device to penis or vagina, stimulate until orgasm/ejaculation, the end. Of course his question insinuates that EVERYONE knows how to masturbate. Like, duh?
But I argued that not everyone is acquainted with the holistic potential that masturbation can offer. Much like breathing, everyone knows how to breathe but not everyone is acquainted with the holistic and life-changing practice of breathwork (save staying alive).
And these potentials are the reasons why I'm delving into techniques to enhance and bring more awareness to your masturbation practice. So, once again, here are a few more techniques you can apply to your own mindfulness masturbation practice. You can find the previous list here!
Let's go deeper!
Much of the stuff I'm sharing are very simple techniques, but when applied, can make a world of difference in the sensations you bring to your body during masturbation. When we masturbate, we so often do it in a very static state. We're either just lying on the bed, sitting in a chair, or locked in some solitary position while we stimulate ourselves to orgasm. I'm inviting you to apply more movement into your practice. Here are a few tips:
- Stand up for masturbation! Literally! When we are in a static state we are hardly engaging the rest of our body, namely our hips. When we stand we can more easily move our hips back and forth in a thrusting motion or even side to side. This definitely simulates intercourse, but it also better engages you in a full body practice not solely centered on your genitalia. And helps with the spreading of erotic energy.
- Dance! When we dance we move a lot of energy. You can go slow or you can go faster. Think of it as taking yourself out for a dance. This practice lends itself beautifully to engaging the whole body. While you're dancing find your erogenous zones and spend time pleasuring them. Don't forget to breathe fully and be conscious of what's coming up.
- Stretch periodically! Another way to engage your full body is by stretching. Because we so often masturbate in a single position, erotic energy doesn't necessarily flow easily throughout the body and much like a yawn increases our air intake and filters out unhealthy carbon dioxide, stretching can remove the stress that we usually put our bodies through while remaining in one position for too long.
Adding the element of smiling might be something you will probably not read in any other list about enhancing your masturbation practice and an element you might find very awkward incorporating. And until recently I never would've thought of doing it myself.
It happened during a recent joint masturbation session with a friend of mine that I witnessed, first hand, the benefit of smiling while masturbating. As I watched my friend go deeper and higher in his self-love, a huge smile rang across his face, he tilted his head back, and radiated this state of bliss, happiness, and joy. It was genuine euphoria!
As I sat there engaging in my own practice I was suddenly gripped with this deep, deep sadness to the point of tears. I got silent and felt myself retreat. I wanted what he had! I wanted that intense and beautiful euphoric abandon! Unfortunately, it was also at that moment that I realized how much internal shame and guilt I had yet to work through when it came to reclaiming my own masturbatory pleasure. And I also discovered that there is a difference between having pleasure and having joy in that pleasure. Why not have both?!
So I decided to practice smiling on my own. Amazingly, I found that even in the first session, the joy and feeling of "letting go" was right there waiting for me to embrace. A genuine smile usually indicates a spirit and sense of acceptance and enjoyment. Unfortunately, like myself, shame, guilt, and negative judgments cloud our path to erotic bliss. So I invite you to start smiling as you masturbate. Smile to your pleasure, smile to your body, smile to your genitalia. Let go of the negativity by introducing positive, uplifting vibes. Lift your cheek muscles and with them your erotic sense of pleasure and joy!
You might just surprise yourself!
6. Make Some Noise!
I, like so many others, discovered masturbation in my parent's home. I was driven into secrecy due to their judgments of my activities. With secrecy came silence. With silence came erotic energetic constriction and restriction. All those feelings, all those emotions, all those expressions became bottled up inside. Imagine a bottle that's constantly under pressure. Eventually it either blows or irrevocably ruins the contents of the bottle. Imagine that your body is that bottle!
THIS IS NOT HEALTHY!
Many of us have even carried this culture of silence into the sex that we have with others. Silent sex. Silent masturbation. SHHHHH!!! It's like our bodies and our sex lives are virtual libraries we carry around everywhere - silent mode, on. We dare not be discovered out of fear and shame.
I challenge you to let that go! As of today, make an effort to let your expression and pleasure fly out of your mouth. Emote! It might be guttural, it might be animalistic, it might be very visceral, but it's yours and only yours! AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL! I discovered that I can more easily be in my pleasure when I'm not so self-conscious about making noise. I can more fully embrace my eroticism, my body, and my masturbation when I allow myself to let my inner animal play (I have appropriately and affectionately named him "The Beast"). And this is truly all about play. It's about pleasure and it's about exploring the wonders of what it means to be a sexual being! It's not always "cute" or "pretty" or "reserved" (actually, most of the times it's not) but it is FREEDOM!
So go ahead, reclaim your expression and in doing so you will most likely find a heightened sense of freedom you might not have previously felt!
Well that's it for Part 2. In Part 3, I'll be discussing the challenges of pornography as it relates to reclaiming your masturbation! Stay Tuned!