Spiritual Eros F.A.Q's — Spiritual Eros - Sex and Intimacy Coaching

Where are you located?

We currently live and practice in Seattle, WA. (Although, California is the only state in the US that certifies for Sexological Bodywork.) We offer coaching sessions via Skype for our out of town clients and are excited to work with clients who are traveling through the Seattle area. Just let us know!

Are prices negotiable?

Yes! Because we acknowledge that those who desire and would benefit from this work do not always have the funds to afford it, we want to work with those who are unable to pay the standard price for sessions and negotiate a fee that works for you as well as for us. So please let us know if this is your situation!

What's the difference between sexological bodywork, sex therapy, and sex surrogacy?

Sexological Bodywork is quite distinct from sex therapy and surrogacy because the intention is to help you learn about your sexuality, rather than achieving psychotherapeutic goals. It’s the difference between education and therapy. Of course, Sexological Bodywork can support healing around sexual concerns, and many clients find that this approach helps them move more quickly through that process, however, it is not a substitute for therapy. For some people, Sexological Bodywork compliments their work with a therapist.

Sex therapy is similar to other types of talk therapy, but the focus is on concerns and/or questions pertaining to your sexuality. Sex therapists are especially trained to work with sexual issues unlike other therapists, but the nature of the experience is similar- the use of talk therapy to navigate and resolve life's challenges. The therapist might assign activities for you to try at home, but experiential learning does not take place during the sessions.

Sex surrogacy takes a slightly different approach. A certified surrogate works with a therapist to help clients build their awareness of and skills with physical and emotional intimacy. The surrogate and the therapist develop a plan and series of practices to support the psychotherapeutic goals that will best serve the client. The purpose of sex surrogacy is therapeutic, although of course, learning is a big part of that.

What does a typical first session look like?

Sex and Intimacy Coaching is an amazing experience, but it’s not the right fit for everyone. So before you come to see us, we’ll schedule a 30 minute phone call so we can talk about whatever is going on for you and how we can be of service to you. If we both decide that sex and intimacy coaching with one of us would be useful, we’ll plan our first session and you'll be sent an intake form. If one of us is not the right practitioner for you or if another approach would be more useful for you, alternative suggestions will be discussed. Because there are two educators here, sometimes a change of practitioners is all that's needed. However, there may be times when neither practitioner works out and other options should be discussed. Our ultimate goal is to help you get the support and learning you need, whether that’s with us or not.

Do I have to do anything I don’t want to do?

No. Never!

We like to think of this work as taking a road trip. You’re driving the car and you decide how fast we go and where we’re headed. We’ll make sure we stay on course and offer suggestions for things to explore, but ultimately, you’re the one in charge. That means that we depend on you to be an active participant in this process. This work is self-directed.

At the start of each session, we’ll talk about the goals for our time together and discuss how we’ll work towards them. We’ll only do the work that you actively say yes to, and you can change any part of your yes to a no at any time. If there’s something that you say no to at the beginning, it will be a no for the rest of that session. We sometimes have the impulse to change our minds partway through an experience, and while that can often work out well, it can also lead to regret or discomfort later on. We want to make sure that doesn’t happen, so your no will stay a no for that session. There’s always an opportunity to explore it in the future. Of course, there are also maybes. You might not know how something will feel until we move towards it. Part of making sure that a maybe has become a yes is checking in before proceeding.

As an educational process, Sex and Intimacy Coaching is most effective when we’re following the ever-changing learning edge. As you develop new skills, your comfort zone expands and we need to stretch in order to keep learning. You are in control of that process and you set the pace.

What outcomes can I expect?

Sex and Intimacy Coaching can help you be more present in your body, experience more pleasure, tune into your authentic sexual desires, and be more embodied during sex. Learning how to state your needs and desires without shame or guilt can make your sexual relationships more passionate, more fulfilling, and far more satisfying. Also, exploring boundaries around yes and no and discovering what it is that your body truly desires at any one moment helps build a better level of self-awareness and sexual liberation.

What kinds of students do you work with?

We work with all genders, sexual orientations, and relationship structures. We believe that everyone deserves pleasure and sexual well-being, and we invite you to discover your fullest erotic potential.

The most satisfying sessions are with people who are engaged in their personal journey of growth and sexual exploration. They often have some experience exploring their sexuality and are aware of how sex connects with the rest of their lives. Some people have specific questions or concerns they want to explore, while others are curious to discover what comes up as they increase their abilities to build and contain pleasure.

What kinds of sessions do you offer?

Our Sex and Intimacy Coaching uses breath, movement, sound, touch, and intention to help you expand your capacity for embodied pleasure. We offer several different modalities, including pleasure mapping, erotic massage, pelvic release bodywork, anal massage for both relaxation and pleasure, masturbation coaching, and scar tissue remediation.

Pleasure mapping is a dynamic process of exploring what different kinds of stimulation feel like to you. It’s an important way of gathering information about your unique pleasure profile. It also gives you specific language about your sensations so you are better able to tell a partner what you like. Pleasure mapping can be especially useful for anyone whose sexuality has changed, whether from a medical condition, pregnancy and childbirth, aging, or physical injury. If a lover has ever asked you what you like and you didn’t know how to answer, pleasure mapping can be a great way to change that. Your sexual pleasures will change over time, and pleasure mapping is a wonderful exploration of what works for you now.

Erotic bodywork sessions give you the opportunity to learn how to use embodiment practices like breathwork and movement to increase your ability to experience pleasure while staying fully present in the moment. Using a variety of different techniques, you’ll gain new skills at riding waves of erotic energy. Once you’ve integrated those techniques into your repertoire, you can use them during any sexual interaction to heighten sensation and create more fulfilling experiences, whether on your own or with a partner.

Pelvic release bodywork can help you let go of muscular tension in a part of the body that is rarely touched outside of erotic contexts. You might be surprised to discover how much you’re holding and how relieving it feels to let it drop. Pelvic release bodywork can also bring more movement into your body during sex and give you more room for pleasure.

Anal massage has the potential to create a state of deep relaxation because the anus contains nerves from the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for your resting state. Working with this part of the body to calm your nervous system can teach you new ways to sink into relaxation and deepen your embodiment. It’s an amazing experience in this rapidly moving world, especially for those who are chronically stressed.

Masturbation coaching offers you the opportunity to connect more deeply with your body. Most people learn to masturbate quickly and quietly, which creates habits that limit enjoyment. And many people continue to stick with the techniques they’ve used for years. Masturbation coaching helps you discover how the joys of solo sex can enhance your entire sex life.

Scar tissue remediation uses specific massage techniques to soften scar tissue and encourage fuller healing. Scars on your chest, abdomen, and pelvis can inhibit free movement of your body and your breath, and limit your pleasure. Scar tissue work can help lessen the effects of scars and improve your sexual capacity.

In all of our sessions, the focus is on your experience and how it can help you discover new freedom in your body, expand your pleasure, and release old patterns that no longer serve you. Touch is one-way, from practitioner to client, and we will always remain fully clothed.

What's your policy on hygiene?

Because the work that we do involves working with your body, we take special precautions to be as hygienic as possible. We also ask that you do the same. A shower beforehand can not only relieve stress from a busy day, but it can also help prepare the body and mind for a deeply enjoyable session.

If, due to unforeseeable circumstances, you are unable to bathe beforehand, facilities are available on site for your use. This can be a great opportunity to wash away your day and prepare your body for embodied mindfulness.

What does a partner session look like?

We enjoy working with couples of any gender combination to help them build the sexual skills that can make sex easier and more pleasurable. Partner sessions usually focus on specific sexual massage practices, such as genital or anal massage. These skills are often learned best by having your practitioner demonstrate the techniques on the receiving partner and then coaching the giving partner through the various steps. That allows each partner to drop into the learning experience without worrying about taking care of the other.

 A lot of people have had unenjoyable experiences with anal sex, often because they were too rushed, or they didn’t know how to make it pleasurable. If you’re curious about anal sex, if you’ve tried it and been unsuccessful, or if you’d like to learn new ways to make it feel amazing, let’s talk about how we can make that happen. We can teach you about anal massage, toys, pegging, and anal intercourse, safety, positions, and much more.

What about confidentiality?

We will always respect your privacy and will not disclose any information about you, including the fact that we are working together. If your practitioner needs support and/or advice from a colleague in order to best serve you, we will only share the relevant information with them and will not disclose any identifying information.

You are welcome to share anything about your experience of sex and intimacy coaching with anyone you choose. We encourage you to talk about it with your support network as part of your journey.

What type of gloves and massage oil do you use?

We use nitrile gloves for genital and internal anal touch. Our preferred massage oil for both full-body and genital massage is coconut oil. We can also use a high-quality silicone and/or water-based lubricant for genital and anal massage,  if so desired.  If there is a specific product or a lubricant that works better for you, you are more than welcome to bring it to your sessions.

Is this licensed?

We are certified as Sexological Bodyworkers by the state of California.

Complementary healing arts such as Somatic Sex Therapy and Sexological Bodywork do not currently require licensing. This is not psychotherapy or medical treatment, and we do not offer psychological or medical diagnosis, advice, or services.

When is payment due? Do you offer refunds?

If you have not previously purchased a session and/or package via our Sessions and Pricing page, payment will be due at the beginning of each session.

We want you to feel confident that we can help you expand your capacity for pleasure. After the first session, if you decide that working with us isn’t the right choice for you, we will refund your payment.

However, because our time and work together is our personal and spiritual investment to you and we have committed many resources to assist you on your journey, please understand that all refunds on packages and online purchases will be subject to a 25% administrative fee on the remaining balance and may take up to 30 days to process.

Purchasing products online means that you agree to these policies!

How do I book a session? Can I book a single session?

When you’re ready to explore sex and intimacy coaching, you can either purchase a session from our Sessions and Pricing page or you can contact us directly.

Sex and Intimacy Coaching is an investment in your sexual well-being and most people find that it takes more than one session to get the benefits. We also understand that it can be important to make sure that this is a path that will take you where you want to go.

Before we schedule a first session, we’ll have a 30 minute phone call to talk about your situation and how we can be of service to you. We’ll also send you an intake form so you can share more information with your practitioner. This allows us to start the conversation about the work and whether it’s a good match for you. If we (you and your practitioner) both agree that coaching would be useful for you, we’ll arrange an intake session. If this isn’t the right course for you, we’ll do our best to suggest other resources.

The work we do is not only strictly educational it is also part of our spiritual practice -  helping you arrive at a more embodied union between your sexuality and your spirituality. Currently, California is the only state that certifies for this work:

With reference to California Penal Code section 647(b) and CALCRIM Nos. 1153 to 1155, the services discussed herein do not in any way include or relate to either (1) engagement in any lewd act for money or other consideration, or (2) solicitation, offer, or agreement to engage in any lewd act for money or other consideration. SB577 : Complementary healing arts such as Somatic Sex Therapy and Sexological Bodywork do not require licensing by the state of California.

However, in Washington state (where we physically practice), prostitution is defined as "sexual contact for the purpose of gratification." Although genital education via touch is sometimes given, for our purposes towards personal embodiment, it is purposefully and intentionally spiritual and educational in nature and scope.