Hello lovely spirit bodies, Toby here!
The journey of the past 7 months has been nothing short of amazing! Through starting a new business with Garland, to opening our own studio and seeing clients, change on every level has definitely become a common theme in my life.
As I work in the realm of overt sexuality and eroticism, I find myself in an ironic and untimely backlash of my inner conservative and a strong urge to retreat. It is another "Coming Out!" What will my family and community think? What labels will they stitch on to my character and value? What will they say behind my back? And the biggest question of all: But what will they actually say to my face? The threat of possible direct judgement and conflict is most gnawingly present, even though I have not experienced it outright. Will I be burned at the stake?
Along with paradigm shifting and embracing being a healer and an erotic coach, there are questions about my own process. I've been doing my own work about fully owning my own eroticism, especially when it shifts in a dramatic about face. Questions arise in the pit of my stomach: Can I be who and what I want to be and have it go well? Am I really being led to do this work? Do I have enough to offer in order to effectively be of service to my clients?
Then another question comes to me and settles my abdominal uproar: Do I believe that God is big enough?? And the answer is...Yes! Always yes!
In the midst of all the change and fear of the unknown, I seek inspiration and solace.
I think of how people's lives and body's have been changed in this work thus far. I reflect on how people's relationships to their body and eroticism have positively changed; overcoming rape, sexual abuse/trauma, religious abuse, sexual shame, body image, etc. I think of how clients have had lightbulb moments about their true beauty and finding their pleasure!
... And I find inspiration!
The age-old truism finds new meaning here: You teach best what you need to learn!
Coaching others in embodying their erotic energy is not a spectator sport. I too am doing the work of integrating my sexuality and spirituality. My process becomes fruitful knowledge that I am able to assist my clients with on their journey.
I look around me and see other people that are on this courageous path, standing in the gap between sex and spirit. I find a community that I wasn't aware was available to me!
...And I find solace!
And so I continue on the journey! ... And so I rise!