Spiritual Eros Ask Dr. Bate - August 2015 — Spiritual Eros - Sex and Intimacy Coaching

Originally appearing in the August 2015 edition of Ask Dr. Bate on Bateworld.com

Hey Dr. Bate!

I’m a horny young guy (20), and recently I’ve gotten into a habit that I’m not sure is healthy, especially physically?

So, when I jack off, I get hard, edge for a while, then blow my load. All normal, right? Except, sometimes, I’m still SOOOO horny even right after I cum. I keep tugging at my cock and it’s still totally soft. Eventually, if I tug enough and just right, I can kind of “make” myself cum while totally soft.

Basically, I’m not hard at all. Sometimes I’ll get a little stiff as I’m cumming again, but not even then always. I have both an orgasm and an ejaculation- my cum is a little thicker and whiter, too. It feels amaaaazing. But is it healthy?

Thanks!

Toby:

Thank you for sharing your story, your excitement and your concern. First of all, let me ease your mind about any health concern related to ejaculating with a soft cock. There is absolutely nothing to be concerned about. You are a young man with a strong libido…enjoy it!

It’s a common misnomer that your cock can only ejaculate when it is erect. Many guys with erectile dysfunction (E.D.) ejaculate without getting a full erection. The flaccid penis can be very sensitive and enjoyable, often bringing more diverse senses of pleasure than an erect penis.

As for the thicker, whiter consistency of your semen on the second ejaculation, it is also very common. The amount of cum and its consistency is directly related to hydration. Your body used a lot of hydration (water) to produce your first amazing load and therefore there is not as much water in the second load making it thicker, less liquidy. Enjoy your flaccid cock!


Ever since I was a kid I’ve fantasized about daddies. As I got older the daddy/youth archetype became a favorite fantasy to masturbate to, usually watching in my imagination like in a porn film, but sometimes imagining that it was me and that older man. I’m now middle-aged, and the daddies I fantasize about while I’m bating are young enough to be my son…

I don’t suppose there’s anything wrong with imagining being young during a fantasy, but I wonder what you think about it. I don’t have any sexual attraction to anyone under 30, so it’s not anything I feel ashamed of, it’s just a role-playing thing. But if I never grow up in my sex fantasies, what does that say about me?

Garland:

Thank you for your question as it touches on something that is near and dear to my heart, daddy/boy fantasy and relationships. First of all let me say that there is NOTHING wrong with you! Enjoy your fantasy! Age really is, especially in this case, often just a number. Mentality, on the other hand is something entirely different. But, for the sake of exploration, let’s dig a little deeper.

It is said that many a true word was spoken in jest. In the same spirit, many a deeper desire is explored in fantasy. This is neither right nor wrong. It just offers us fertile soil to explore things that might be subconscious, hidden, past, or hungers.

Without talking to you further and without more history, it’s almost impossible to give wholly accurate reasons as to why your daddy fantasies have remained all these years. However, allow me to posit some potential reasons based on the little information you have given me. Feel free to dismiss or explore further any of these suggestions.

  • Power – Often daddy/boy fantasies center on a certain power dynamic. The boy is usually the submissive in the relationship and the daddy the Dominate. How far these Dom/sub (D/s) roles get played out is different for each pairing. No two are the same. Could it be that you desire to explore more of a submissive sexual/erotic role?
  • Trauma – This gets into the realm of things usually subconscious and often dissociative (and often better resolved with a good therapist). Could there have been a traumatic experience as a child that you have somehow sexualized as a means of coping and/or healing your emotions? Are there internal dialogues and struggles you are reticent to address and heal? The tale of the gay man with daddy issues because there wasn’t a dad present at home is often a very real thing in my experience.
  • Symbolism – Perhaps you like what a daddy represents to you – brute strength, guidance, power, wisdom, nurture, discipline, sternness, muscle, prowess, masculinity, etc. Perhaps daddies are your cream of the crop of sexual delights. Perhaps daddies are the guys you desire as the ultimate “dream come true.” Maybe it’s time to go and pursue a daddy instead of just wishing and fantasizing about it. Perhaps it’s time to do a little bit more digging and exploration for yourself. Maybe not. Only you know!

If I may though, let me offer you something to chew on from the late and great Langston Hughes (whom also was a gay man):

Harlem

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore—
And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over—
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

Happy discovering, brother! Enjoy the journey!

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